The Plot to Poison Trini's in Jamaica

I have debated blogging about this experience, not wanting to come off as a crazy conspiracy theorist. However, i will leave judgement up to you.....Coincidence or conspiracy?

It all began on a Friday night. I'm lounging on my sofa, actively engaged in channel surfing, when hunger pangs hit. Now I'm feeling too lazy to cook anything so i decided to tell my housemate to bring home dinner. Nice girl that she can be sometimes, she comes in a little while later with a bag of food. Woe of woes its CHESTERS....this fried chicken chain that's available at gas stations with service marts connected to them. Ah not puttin no water in meh mouth tuh say Chesters does taste like oily cardboard crap. But yuh know what, i hungry, she bring food home, and dat is what it have so down de hatch. One breast, 3 wedge fries and one biscuit.

O.K. people, right about now we goin to get real intimate real quick. About forty-five minutes later my tummy start tuh feel not so righteous. Now ah know is not indigestion cause ah had meh after dinner cigarette. So i tell my friend i think i goin tuh be sick. Eh Heh !!.....in d toilet....violent diarrhea. Ah sweatin, ah weak. That,my friends,was only the beginning.

Next came de vomit. Now i have been drunk and vomited many times in my life, but i lie to u not, i have never vomited like i did that night. Did not realise my throat could expand so much. At one point, while vomit is gushing out my mouth in a never ending stream i had to wonder when it would stop to allow me to inhale some air. So for all of Friday night, all day Saturday and all night Saturday night i vomited and shit my life out. At least i have to be thankful that it synced up so i was vomiting and having diarrhea at the same time.Which greatly reduced my trips back and forth from bathroom to bed.

Needless to say by Sunday I'm sore, weak, and scared. Lying naked between my sheets, in a half asleep state, thinking that if this was the end i should try to make amends to some of the people I've been mean to. Thankfully my housemate brought me some hot ginger beer and crackers. I must admit i was really glad she was there, because there is nothing like the fear you feel when you fall really sick in a foreign country. I had a grand total of five sips of ginger beer and two crackers which revived me enough to do away with the whole making nice thing. I'm not in AA. Most people i was forced to be mean to deserved it. There is nothing like food to give you perspective.

It was a slow road to recovery. My housemate made me yummy soup, even though i was bitching for something with pepper and ah drink. A week later my tummy when touched is still very sore. However i have survived, a little worse for wear.

Which brings me to my questions 1-How comes we both ate the same thing from the same place and i shit my life out and she remain fine. Ah ent even hear ah belch come outta that girl.
2-My good girlfriend Simone had fish and chips from Cuddies Friday gone and spent the whole ah dis weekend with vomiting and diarrhea as well. It was so bad she could not even talk good on de phone when ah call her.

Now somebody need tuh tell me what de ass goin on here. Why Trinis? Why on Friday nights? Is it to keep us quiet over the weekend cause we palancing too much and people getting irate? You decide. But forewarned is forearmed, Kai....my other Trini sistren on dis rock. Watch what yuh putten in yuh mouth.

Just an aside, ah havin ah crackhead craving fuh ah curry duck, with buss-up-shot and mudder-in-law. When ah tell yuh meh mout wet......like when de vagrant dem used tuh watch yuh eat K.F.C. through the window on Library Corner.

Ready, Set, Go.

I have wanted to start a blog for the longest while, see I'm always talking to myself, and i have lots of fun doin it.However since moving to Jamaica I've had lots of W.T.F. moments and in a bid to not offend i keep my mouth shut. I love being a Trinbagonian, i love my country, my ppl, my culture......Lord de food and de fete....words fail me. However, its not blind adoration, cause T&T have plenty shit goin on too. I now live in Kingston, and made the decision when i first got here to find, discover, enjoy, experience and live the real Jamaica.

Now i am an avid follower of Bizarre Foods and No Reservations. Two shows on Travel Channel. The former cause i love to nyam, and i firmly believe that one of the most important aspects of a culture is the food, and through an exploration of that food, a more complete understanding of the culture and the ppl producing it. No Reservations does the non touristy travel show. Ah mean when de man was in Ja he eat patty in Coronation Market and chill with Mutabaruka. No Sandals Resort..... black man in Hawaiian shirt singing a bad rendition of Bob......no "irie mon" bullshit.

My aspiration is to be a world traveler, but yuh need tuh start somewhere so Jamaica it is. I intend to explore every nook and cranny of this island. Eat everything that comes my way, experience both the "high"and "low" culture, check out de man dem.......and hopefully have a blast doing it. Ah will feel fuh ah doubles (everything, slight pepper) every day of meh life, but hey cheese and mega patty seem to be able to take the edge off.

So stay posted for candid Trini talk bout ppl, food, politics, limes, men and anything and everything that crosses my path.