To the women of Carnival

Life is like carnival and everybody playin ah big mas. J'ouvert is childhood, the beginning, yuh full ah energy, and comfortable with being dirty.....which lil chile you know does like tuh bathe? Carnival Monday is the teenage  years and your twenties. You know the bacchanal ent really start yet but you still in tings and jus glad to be on the Road. Carnival Tuesday is when the shit does really start. You on the road early, face perfectly made up, jewels all over and a fabulous costume. Everything nice till bout lunch time. Den the sun start to bun up yuh ass, and all of a sudden you realise you feelin every mash foot and bounce yuh get. This is when the realities of life kick in. Bills to pay, work and more work. You realise you can't remember a time  in the recent past when you did not always feel just a little tired. Yes, this is the part of your Carnival Tuesday/life when your professional makeup sweat off and the jewels and glitter wine off. The end of the day is in sight (we all know from your 30's you start recognizing your mortality and how quickly the years are going by) so what to do? How do we make the most of our Carnival Tuesday evening? Well for those in a high end all inclusive band we keep our cups filled (Johnny Walker and Coconut Water works best) and this helps us along, sometimes we take a lil rest and jus chip along the road, still in the mix yet not really palancing yuhself. There is always the happy surprise of a man wid ah sweet wine, (please please not daggering), ah sweet wine.....where there's not a great output of energy needed to achieve a nice melodic groove (no spillage of the Johnny). You can rest your torso and head on his ample strong chest and he supports you, at least for the duration of the dance. In life, as in Carnival, this helps one along the journey. Some of us get caught off guard when the dance is over and the support and enjoyment of the sweet wine is gone and may spend the whole carnival searching for that same wine or a wine of equal sweetness only to be disappointed.

As I said, everybody playin ah big mas, is either yuh is ah dragon.......a person in the shell of grand ferocity, people pay you to not harass them even though you can't really breathe out fire. You could be a blue devil wid a tail and a pitch oil pan. Preferring the blue to the black you can't wash off. Playin devil because it easier than playin God. A Midnight Robber wid talk fuh so, A Sailor whose powder makes him sneeze, or even the Queen of the band, taking a loan or ah man to pay for her costume. What happens to us when Carnival done and the Big Mas we playin over? There is one constant in Carnival/Life, and that is your crew. We seldom play mas alone cause that would jus buss. The girls who help you get ready, they go with you to pee, you take pictures together and wine up on people together (especially if is sumbody man, there's safety in numbers) This entry is dedicated to all the girls who have been my companions while I palance myself and play my big mas. From Primary school, Secondary school, UWI undergrad, and once again UWI Post grad. Thanks for helping me get ready for the road, for bringing me a Johnny from the drinks truck, for taking a rest and eating lunch in the square and for chippin down the road arm in arm with me. Most of you are away on different shores now, some I have parted ways with and some are still physically in my life. However, our positions now do not negate your presence at a particular point in time and the value of that. For why else would someone play a big mas at Carnival other than to be recognized,valued, appreciated and loved as a thing of beauty.

DAVID RUDDER HIGH MAS

Our Father who has given us this art
 So that we can all feel a part
 Of this earthly (lesser) heaven....amen
 Forgive us this day our daily weaknesses
 As we seek to cast our mortal burdens on this city...amen
 Oh merciful Father, in this bacchanal season
 Where some men will lose their reason
 But most of us just want to wine and have a good time
 While we looking for a lime, Because we feeling fine, Lord....amen
 And as we jump up and down in this crazy town
Send us some music for some healing...amen

Our Father who has given us this art
 So that we can all feel as if we are a part
 Of your heaven....amen
 Forgive us this day our daily weaknesses
 As we seek to cast our mortal burdens on this painful city...amen
 And on this day when we come out to play and sway
 And do a little breakaway
 Some will say what they have to say
 But only you know the pain we're feeling.....amen

As it was in the beginning of J'ouvert
So it shall be on Carnival Tuesday ending (good vibes)...amen

Chorus:
 Everybody hand raise
 Everybody give praise
 Everybody hand raise
 And if you know what I mean....put up your finger
 And if you know what I mean....put up your hand
 And if you know what I mean....put up your finger
 And if you know what I mean then scream
 O, give Jah his praises
 O, let Jah be praised
 O, the Father in his mercy
 Send a little music, to make the vibration raise
 So Carnival Day, everybody come and celebrate
 Everybody come and celebrate
 See the ragamuffin congregate
 Everybody come and celebrate
 And everybody say, oo,a,a,oo,a,a I love my country
 oo,a,a,oo,a,a I feeling irie (repeat

Counterfeit Doubles

Ah put ah picture of Trinidadian Doubles up as a reference. So at any time during this blog readers may look at the picture to see the doubles that NEW LEAF RESTAURANT not sellin.

I received a flyer via email a few months ago advertising a new vegetarian restaurant in (lane plaza I think) Point of excitement they selling doubles!!!! So stupid me thinking to myself dey either bring ah indian from Trinidad to make it or somebody lived in Trinidad for a while and was instructed in the art of doubles making. Happiness floods my body as I allow myself to believe that i don't have to live for most of the year in doubles withdrawal, but that i should be able to obtain a slightly inferior product at a slightly increased price, but a doubles none the less.

Is ah good thing ah never rush and go but waited till i had company to share this momentous occasion with.......Doubles in Jamaica. At least now ah have witnesses so I know I not mad and people know I ent lying. The cast of characters iz as follows-my sis from London, my bredrin from Jamaica and another Jamaican bredrin who lives in the States.

We get to New Leaf and I inquire as to the price of said doubles. Dis woman look me dead in my eye and tell me $250.00JA. Roughly the equivalent of $25.00TT I had was Tuh laugh. I getting good good doubles for 3 and 4 dollars in Trinidad and you tellin me bout 250$$. I say I not making no Jamaican rich, fuh no sub standard doubles.....Allyuh, since when doubles is almost the same price as a quarter jerk chicken? Steupes!!!

Well meh poor sis craving Indian food so she buy one, and I get one for my fren Rick cause I always talking bout this thing so ah say look let him take ah chance so at least he will have an idea of what I talking about all dese years. The other guy declined.........guess he figured if de Trini doh want it den tuh ass was with dat.

Please note we have now spent roughly the equivalent of 50TT on 2 doubles. First off the presentation buss. It long and roll up like ah burrito. Next the bara (or dough) stiff and hard, plus the Channa (chick peas) under cook and hard too. The condiments were meagre and provided nothing to the overall debacle of the doubles.

My sis took a couple bites and threw it away. My bredrin open it and watch it cokey eye and then he dumped it too.........ah feel bad cause he is ah man I know does put all kinda thing in he mout. Well needless to say I was vex, ah still vex. For two main reasons:

1-Ah still cayr get meh doubles till ah go home

2-I have a serious problem with mis-representation of culture.

Just as if I see jerk chicken in Trini and it buss.......now I not looking for an exact copy, but a close counterfeit. If it buss I will hadda say "aye miss lady, dis ent no Jerk chicken. Stop lying on the people dem thing." Same way I vex cause dat ent doubles.

Especially because doubles is one thing Trini people always talking about all over the place. Imagine ah Jamaican go and buy a doubles by dis place and say "dis is what dem Trini people making big fuss over, cho man"............Ah cayr blame dem.

I know some Trini's have been to NEW LEAF and find de Doubles not so bad. No offence but is either allyuh here too long or allyuh willing tuh real settle for ah doubles. I ent able wid that shit. NEW LEAF if yuh coming, come correct. It is a dish most Trini's hold close to their hearts.

Oh and FYI yuh ent importing nutten tuh justify that expensive price. flour, oil, Channa, pepper, even wax paper sellin right here. Doubles costing more dan patty and patty have meat. Lord, put ah han!

I Consider Pepper to be a Food Group.

As promised I'm on to the better part of my trip home. The food was amazing!!!!!!! every time I return home my taste buds reawaken like sleeping beauty. Maybe this is due to the fact that Trini pepper is so much hotter than pepper I've tasted in other parts of the world. Or perhaps because Trini's, especially those in South and Central consume pepper in more copious doses than other people. Whatever the reason, the food "sell off" (yeah the Jamaican rubbing off huh)
I ate doubles everywhere. Some were good, some bad and some in-between. But it was doubles fresh from ah doubles man with everything, slight pepper, so it was all good to me. I was a bit taken aback because doubles were 3 and 4 dollars for one. When I still lived home it was 2 dollars by sauce but the longer you live the poorer you seem to get huh. So to everyone who knows me yuh know ah coulda never go home without making ah trip to Curepe to buss ah lime. Ah will admit, to my mother's eternal shame and disappointment, that bein on the pavement in front Bobby's bar with d sprangers and other nocturnal creatures of ill repute I felt peaceful, happy and content.
Yes, a car pulled up and when the doors opened weed smoke drop kicked me in my face. And yes, there was a woman delicately and discreetly vomiting in the drain. And yes, there was a drunk Indian man walking around for hours telling people "iz meh birthday, gimmie ah bounce nah". Yet there's always an electricity about nocturnal places like St. James and Curepe. People come to eat, drink, buss ah lime. There's a weird camaraderie with night limers, shoulders rub and lives intersect. Strangers connect over half drunken conversating.
Me and meh pardners (Andre and Ruhia) started off at Spanky's. I beat some Johnny Black and we holdin ah lime. Braps!!! this pink Sunny pass and bounce down ah old man. He escaped without serious injuries, thank God. Would you believe the fuckers drive off. Ah was so vex ah coulda buss. Later on that night two other men almost get bounce down on the same corner. We came to de decision that the corner hadda be blight. So until somebody wash down the road with lime and blue we decide to trod on up to Bobbys cause yuh hadda be careful wid blight yuh know.
I love Trini for our diverse street food culture. That night we munched on fried wantons, smothered in pepper, soy sauce, ketchup and garlic sauce. Yum. Well it goes without saying that we had doubles.....is curepe, we drinking, and sauce dey. So nuff said. Ah even stop drink liquor to beat out some Green Sands(a pre mixed drink consisting of lemonade and beer). I grew up on Green Sands and was so happy when they brought it back on the market. Needless to say it not available in Jamaica. STEUPES!!!!!
At the end of the night we went to Gringos Grillerz.........Bap Bap Bap!!!!!!!!!!! Gringos to di worl. For those who went to UWI and was delinquent like me muss know Gringoes. After spending a night either drinking or in Grand Central playing pool Gringos was the flick. Before they moved into the storefront they were just a cart on the side of the road where Papa Johns is now, with ah dutty red man as de cook who used to chat up all d women dem. Anyway I read the menu and wanted everything. I've had almost everything on the menu so trust me when I say its all good baby. I had a roast beef sandwich, it was still humongous, it was still reasonably priced at $35. Most of all it was still ridiculously delicious. Just as I remembered. Each mouthful brought back memories of being a newly independent young girl, slightly intoxicated, tremendously happy and plenty in love. Ahhhh nostalgia at my happy reckless youth, now sadly past.
To end in a happy place I left my Bake and Shark for last. Shorts, sweat, Chow from the lookout, ah beer and a big beautiful fully loaded Bake an Shark, sand between my toes. I put all the condiments (tambrin sauce, garlic sauce, shado beni sauce, pepper sauce) except ketchup and mustard. I refuse to defile the delicate cadence of flavours with such common and vile sauces. I leave those to baser creatures like beef burgers. I also put all the toppings including pineapple. Needless to say it was beyond bliss. My only complaint is that the pepper was not hot. I have a serious problem with Trini pepper not bein hot. Ah know Richard's probably tone it down because of the tourists but let me just say this, if we diminish the fire in our pepper for the white people where does it stop? Is it hard to imagine that soon we'll be toning down the fire in our souls to suit the white people? Why Richards? Wwwwwhhhhhhhyyyyyyyy???????

Finally Get Meh Doubles!!!

Well for those of you who didn't know i went home for a few weeks in July. I must admit i made the trip with mixed feelings, for after you've lived away from home for a substantial period of time your 'real home' somehow feels less so. Lives move on, people marry, babies are born, bacchanal of all sorts happens, and when you're not there and return you do feel like a visitor in your 'old life'. However one thing that would not have changed would be the Trini staple of food and liming right? Wrong. The country of my youth, my fondly remembered 'wild days' are no more. I'm filled with bitter nostalgia and anger.

Four things have ruined it for me:
1-The introduction of the Breath-ah-lizer
2-A smoking ban.........(GASP, SPUTTER, CHOKE.......ON INDIGNATION)
3-Trinidad get too expensive to lime on a regular unless yuh rich
4- Trinis get too damn hifalutent

1-Well i go out and after meh fren drink 2 johnny wid meh he switch to shandy or green sands or some such foolishness cause he hadda drive home and he fraid d Breath-ah-lizer. Pressure. At first i say well small thing cause yuh might jus hadda pay ah lil fine. Well that's not really the case...ah fella get breath-ah-lized while ah was home. Apprantly yuh fine increases in increments according tuh how drunk yuh iz. Well he was $9000.00 TT drunk. Plus they take whey d man drivers permit for 2 years. Hmmmm puts that 'take one for the road' in perspective huh.

2-The smoking ban.....words fail me. Fuck T.G.I.F. cause that was never my scene anyway. But yuh really goin look at me with ah straight face and tell me i cayr smoke at Bobby's Bar in Curepe. Bobby's........ah seedy lil hawk an spit, whe yuh could get ah johnny and coconut or ah loaf ah kiss bread. Bobby's....sandwiched between the key maker shop and the bomb office. The same bar that i was in and had to walk outside........which is an erroneous statement since it eh hah no door so, jus pavement and bar. I hadda walk my ass outside to smoke ah cig while it have ah woman delicately vomiting on the pavement. Home sweet home. So now it was not just deciding which bar to go to but for the smokers in the group to assert their rights and demand a place with a veranda or specially designated open air smoking area. Since when we turn first world? ah cayr smoke in ah bar but ppl could still shit in latrine? I feel the heavy weight of progress marching over my body. The only plus to having a designated smoking area is that when you go out to lime like i did and have the table next to you occupied by a group of irritating Indian women who seem to all have the same box of hair colour to varying degrees in their hair. When they start fanning and fuming and whispering ....d smoke....I can feel quite vindicated in blowing it purposefully in their direction, cause my ass in d smoking area. hahahahhahhahah.

3-Prices for food and liquor in Trini iz ridiculous. I fondly remember the days when yuh could push ah 'blues' in yuh pocket and lime whole night. Now yuh better walk with yuh credit card.
everywhere like dey running competition fuh price. If yuh broke like yuh hadda drink bay rum oui.

4-My people gettin too damn big fuh dey boots. Imagine is big hot sun evening, in ah sports bar looking at ah lil football. A local Kim K. walk in, all big handbag, flat-ironed hair and huge sunglasses. So she orders a glass of red wine.........note ah say big hot sun evening in ah sports bar. Everybody have ah crackberry stapled to their ass and if i saw just one more bitch with ah fauxhawk ah was jus gonna buss.

Well next post I'll go into the bake and shark, doubles and gringos grillers........i need to go back into my happy place before i write about them. From looking at No Reservations and Bizarre Foods i realise i might never be considered a real foodie. I seem to lack the penchant for organ meat which they seem to think is the cat's pajamas. Well be that as it may, i think my ever expanding gut might think differently.............. And i still think cooked liver smell like ass.

State of Emergency

Well i know this is late but i just could not deal with it when it happened. So finally i goin throw in my 2 cents now, better late than never right? I had a weekend trip to MoBay planned for the fateful weekend but God in his infinite wisdom saw that it got cancelled. For those of you who know me you know I'm very chill, from my dress code to my outlook on life. So i ent dig ah horrors. Good thing too cause i would have had 40 kids in MoBay returning to Kingston on Sunday evening.

Anyway, everybody expected something to happen when it was time to get Dudus. So Thursday, nothing....Friday, nothing.....Saturday, nothing. Well i steupes and say Jamaica get sof. Sunday morning one of my sistrens from MoBay came to visit for a few days, and is like she bring de salt dread. As she walk in and ah turn on d T.V.......War in Kingston.

So i now have 2 house guests, limited groceries and no credit on meh fone....Pressure. In the days to follow HiLo on campus opened, plus i was also able to get stuff at 1 open gas station mini mart. I am not ashamed to say all i put in the kitchen was pasta, chocolate, rum and cigs. I doh know bout none ah allyuh but i went straight for the comfort food.

Things did not last as long as i thought or got as bad as i feared. Yes lives were lost which is always a tragedy. Plus Dudus dun skate out and by Bin Laden long time so it was ah bust. I was on the UWI Campus which was probably the safest place to be in the whole of Kingston.

Two points of humor....no.1-Women from Tivoli marched days before the violence pledging to sacrifice their lives for their Don Dudus, likening him to Jesus Christ. However when they see flour more than water they calling in the T.V. and radio stations bemoaning the fact that its women and children and they in danger. As far as i concerned they coulda haul dey ass. Go look at yourself dressed in white on the front page ah de paper protesting for your "President" and take bullet in yuh ass. LOL

no.2-Why black people in the Caribbean so farse? The poor solders driving through the little ghetto areas and begging people to go in dem house. Well the amount ah cuss these poor military man get ah too shame. The ppl claim they have rights too and want to see what goin on. Well what was goin on was that 3 ah dem collect some stray bullet right there on t.v. And yuh know what is the greatest thing ever? after the first woman collect one in she belly nobody run and duck for cover or nothing. Hence facilitating the other 2 to get shot. ahahhahhahahahha. As meh mother does say, "farseness will be de death ah yuh!" At least it made for4 great T.V.

Take care, stay blessed, until another installment....................still craving ah doubles(with everything, slight pepper)

The Plot to Poison Trini's in Jamaica

I have debated blogging about this experience, not wanting to come off as a crazy conspiracy theorist. However, i will leave judgement up to you.....Coincidence or conspiracy?

It all began on a Friday night. I'm lounging on my sofa, actively engaged in channel surfing, when hunger pangs hit. Now I'm feeling too lazy to cook anything so i decided to tell my housemate to bring home dinner. Nice girl that she can be sometimes, she comes in a little while later with a bag of food. Woe of woes its CHESTERS....this fried chicken chain that's available at gas stations with service marts connected to them. Ah not puttin no water in meh mouth tuh say Chesters does taste like oily cardboard crap. But yuh know what, i hungry, she bring food home, and dat is what it have so down de hatch. One breast, 3 wedge fries and one biscuit.

O.K. people, right about now we goin to get real intimate real quick. About forty-five minutes later my tummy start tuh feel not so righteous. Now ah know is not indigestion cause ah had meh after dinner cigarette. So i tell my friend i think i goin tuh be sick. Eh Heh !!.....in d toilet....violent diarrhea. Ah sweatin, ah weak. That,my friends,was only the beginning.

Next came de vomit. Now i have been drunk and vomited many times in my life, but i lie to u not, i have never vomited like i did that night. Did not realise my throat could expand so much. At one point, while vomit is gushing out my mouth in a never ending stream i had to wonder when it would stop to allow me to inhale some air. So for all of Friday night, all day Saturday and all night Saturday night i vomited and shit my life out. At least i have to be thankful that it synced up so i was vomiting and having diarrhea at the same time.Which greatly reduced my trips back and forth from bathroom to bed.

Needless to say by Sunday I'm sore, weak, and scared. Lying naked between my sheets, in a half asleep state, thinking that if this was the end i should try to make amends to some of the people I've been mean to. Thankfully my housemate brought me some hot ginger beer and crackers. I must admit i was really glad she was there, because there is nothing like the fear you feel when you fall really sick in a foreign country. I had a grand total of five sips of ginger beer and two crackers which revived me enough to do away with the whole making nice thing. I'm not in AA. Most people i was forced to be mean to deserved it. There is nothing like food to give you perspective.

It was a slow road to recovery. My housemate made me yummy soup, even though i was bitching for something with pepper and ah drink. A week later my tummy when touched is still very sore. However i have survived, a little worse for wear.

Which brings me to my questions 1-How comes we both ate the same thing from the same place and i shit my life out and she remain fine. Ah ent even hear ah belch come outta that girl.
2-My good girlfriend Simone had fish and chips from Cuddies Friday gone and spent the whole ah dis weekend with vomiting and diarrhea as well. It was so bad she could not even talk good on de phone when ah call her.

Now somebody need tuh tell me what de ass goin on here. Why Trinis? Why on Friday nights? Is it to keep us quiet over the weekend cause we palancing too much and people getting irate? You decide. But forewarned is forearmed, Kai....my other Trini sistren on dis rock. Watch what yuh putten in yuh mouth.

Just an aside, ah havin ah crackhead craving fuh ah curry duck, with buss-up-shot and mudder-in-law. When ah tell yuh meh mout wet......like when de vagrant dem used tuh watch yuh eat K.F.C. through the window on Library Corner.

Ready, Set, Go.

I have wanted to start a blog for the longest while, see I'm always talking to myself, and i have lots of fun doin it.However since moving to Jamaica I've had lots of W.T.F. moments and in a bid to not offend i keep my mouth shut. I love being a Trinbagonian, i love my country, my ppl, my culture......Lord de food and de fete....words fail me. However, its not blind adoration, cause T&T have plenty shit goin on too. I now live in Kingston, and made the decision when i first got here to find, discover, enjoy, experience and live the real Jamaica.

Now i am an avid follower of Bizarre Foods and No Reservations. Two shows on Travel Channel. The former cause i love to nyam, and i firmly believe that one of the most important aspects of a culture is the food, and through an exploration of that food, a more complete understanding of the culture and the ppl producing it. No Reservations does the non touristy travel show. Ah mean when de man was in Ja he eat patty in Coronation Market and chill with Mutabaruka. No Sandals Resort..... black man in Hawaiian shirt singing a bad rendition of Bob......no "irie mon" bullshit.

My aspiration is to be a world traveler, but yuh need tuh start somewhere so Jamaica it is. I intend to explore every nook and cranny of this island. Eat everything that comes my way, experience both the "high"and "low" culture, check out de man dem.......and hopefully have a blast doing it. Ah will feel fuh ah doubles (everything, slight pepper) every day of meh life, but hey cheese and mega patty seem to be able to take the edge off.

So stay posted for candid Trini talk bout ppl, food, politics, limes, men and anything and everything that crosses my path.